There are many books devoted to human psychology when it comes to career and how to make people like you. And I can honestly tell you that I – someone who has suffered from a severe stage-fright and shyness – read many of those.
Nothing really shaped though as much as the fact I had to start living on my own ever since 16 and apply the rules to practice. When you all of a sudden end up in a city full of sharks, a girl with a sort of small-town thinking and a good heart, has to quickly learn to swim and kick in the water.
I have been to many interviews, especially when I was 16 and I needed the ka-ching tokens in my pocket asap! But 99% of the interviews did not work out and that was because I had no idea how to lead the interview. You heard correctly, I was supposed to lead it instead of being the one who is interviewed. Now, eleven years later, I can lead it in my sleep.
So let me show you step by step:
The two big steps
People that make bigger steps appear more confident. Psychologically, it shows us that the person has no problem taking bigger tasks and is not afraid to give more energy because let’s face it, especially for someone like me who is 5 feet 5, I naturally cannot make so big steps and YET, I still do! And it takes a lot of energy but it also changes my body language to a warrior and someone who is determined. When stepping in the place of the meeting or interview, I always make sure that I make only big steps. Literally, 50% of my focus goes only into that. Oh, and of course, I would only wear bombshell heels but that is an individual choice (even though highly advisable).
The curious look
The second half of that 50 % goes to my facial expression. Thank God we breathe automatically, otherwise, I’d be dead so many times by now. Your face has to scream confidence and self-worth. When I enter the room, if the person is sitting on the other side and our eyes meet, I smile briefly and then while making my huge steps, I start looking around with a full curiosity and a full on happiness written on my eyes. Never look down into the ground while reaching your point of interest. Give them the feeling that you don’t need them, they need you – they need your energy. Before I go to an interview or meeting, I literally bullshit myself into thinking that I am the boss. Which is true. I am the boss of my own life and my own fate and I believe in my greatness. They can smell it, and they hop on.
The ruler in your back
This you probably heard a few times. Your posture is the real deal. Posture while walking has to be straight, long neck and your body should appear just open and warm. As my favorite rule says, two seconds is the most important time you should care about. In this particular case, make sure that those first two seconds will show you in the best light. If you have a heavy bag, put it down your back and hold the strap in your palm. You have to walk straight “for it”. Understood?
The slow ride
Your speaking is the most important part. However, the information is not the most essential part. Look at politics, you know they keep saying bs but we keep listening to them because the way they speak is so luring – literally. If you look at anyone who gives you the feeling of a confident successful person, I am quite sure she or he speaks slow, thinks of how to formulate the sentence before it is said and when it is finally said, the tone of the voice perfectly responds with the information. Ifyou are not good at this (and trust me I was not either) you can just keep talking to yourself and keep answering yourself. People that speak slowly give the impression that what they say is important and they stand by it. People that are shy and not confident will speak fast with a low tone so that no one will properly hear them. Don’t be that person. When you say something, make it rumble! But don’t be like my auntie on the phone who literally thinks she has to over scream 40 miles so I can hear her.
The innocent compliment
This is the moment when you feel the meeting is almost over and a perfect moment to slip in a small compliment. It has to be organic and has to be said with a warm natural tone. You can literally compliment the person on anything from their tie, which their wife bought them for their first anniversary or the way the person “held” the interview. People never truly care about you but they do care about the feeling you give them. Make them feel good and they will remember you. This little maneuver does another thing – it shows that you were actually observing them, which puts you psychologically on the same level as them and thus makes you instantly look confident but sweet at the same time. Total WIN!
And then there are those tiny things like what you wear, what hairstyle should you do and what perfume to wear? Sounds like too much in depth? Well, anything is important when it comes to dealing with people.
Also, it took me a few years to understand all these things but last few years there has not been a single interview in which I have not been called back with a YES answer.
So yes, I do stand by what I said. But it takes some practice.
And as always – I cheer for you and believe in you, beautiful.
This content was originally published here.